Brandon, 22, Iowa. I enjoy hack comedians & contemporary musicians of the day. Too lazy to type more. George Carlin, Bill Hicks, Soundgarden, Zeppelin, etc.

Questions for Tinder users

What exactly is in those red plastic cups?
Does one not enjoy a party?
Will a 5’11” and a half inch female completely ignore a 5’11” male because he isn’t over 6 feet tall?
You’re an RNA, you don’t say?
Why all the fish in the pictures? Are you a bear?
Why all the deer? Are you a ‘70’s rock star who defecated & urinated yourself for a period of two weeks; to avoid being drafted in an unjust war?
You sure have a lot of friends don’t you? Are you that one or the other one, or that one chick?
How do you have so many friends?
Do you just call them up & say its Tinder picture time? I don’t want to look lonely & take pictures all by my lonesome?
You like Sprite & ‘That kid who always remembers to tell the teacher about quizzes & tests’? Are we soul mates?
Where do you find all your witty quotes from? Unfilmed Mad About You scripts?

(Source: glitzypuss)

I love all the Lindsay Graham talk on the Daily Show & talking about how he’s perpetually paranoid. And actually holding Barry accountable was fantastic too. Jonny Stew was on a roll last night.

andrewpauldost:

i want dogs to be allowed at more places and i want children under 6 to not be

diagondaley:

buttgenie:

i hate when a teacher is genuinely funny and i’m the only one in the entire classroom that laughs at their jokes since everybody i go to school with are distasteful heathens

#especially those sarcastic witty teachers who have amazing comebacks but everyone is fucking moronic and not intelligent enough to understand the beauty of what theyre saying and i get so upset

the-fletcher-memorial-home:

blood-in-the-moonlight:

why are people mean to Steve Buscemi?  People literally go to live events and tell him he’s ugly and freaky to his face.  Why would you ever do that? Steve Buscemi has never done anything to you.  Steve Buscemi is really nice.  He does volunteer work.  He used be a firefighter.  He was the best man at Stanley Tucci’s wedding.  There is literally no reason to be mean to Steve Buscemi.

If youre mean to Steve Buscemi i will drop kick you to the moon

diagondaley:

buttgenie:

i hate when a teacher is genuinely funny and i’m the only one in the entire classroom that laughs at their jokes since everybody i go to school with are distasteful heathens

#especially those sarcastic witty teachers who have amazing comebacks but everyone is fucking moronic and not intelligent enough to understand the beauty of what theyre saying and i get so upset

teasingtwink:

"making fun of joan rivers’ death is disrespectful"

image

glitterobservatory:

theilllestvillain:

waveofemotions:

I NEVER WANT THIS POST TO END

SAME

the second pic of the elephant and dog though. holy crap that’s graceful

(Source: innocenttmaan)

the-misadventures-of-lele:

fileformat:

READ THAT BITCH FOR F I L T H

DAMN FRANCINE WENT INNNNNN

(Source: whisperintoass)

(Source: iraffiruse)

I’m going to complain about football later so beware. Josh Gordon can’t even play for the CFL this year that’s bow shit. Hopefully the Browns sign him to a different/new contract just to say fuck you to the NFL.

keeperofspirits:

there-are-cannibals-among-us baby pep pep and a bun bun

keeperofspirits:

there-are-cannibals-among-us baby pep pep and a bun bun

(Source: dailybunny.org)